Being a perfect mother is impossible
So you’ve been a mom! Congrats a ton and welcome to a new perspective of seeing the world!
I have been new to this role myself but realized a thing or two that poked me to write down this little article after a super long time.
So being judged is something we all girls are familiar more or less. But you are going to be surrounded by a whole new level of weird and WTF judgments now that you’ve given birth to your little bundle of joy!
Let’s have fun going through few of them..
Gender/Color of your child: Like we had something to do about it. Believe it or not mothers are still judged to be given birth to a girl or a dark skinned kid in our society.. even in the families you never thought of having this issue. This i believe is the most cruel and senseless of all. Hello! someone remember the person named father? He had an equal part creating this!
Type of delivery: I had no idea that moms are actually shamed for having a c-section like they had a escape route or easy pass to motherhood and the mom having normal delivery are somehow greater.
Let me tell you something, being cut open like a watermelon and sewed after people have put their hands in you is no FUN and certainly not easy!
Judgement in bottle(feed): I was questioned by the person i don’t even know why my child bottle feeds. I even considered wearing a printed explanation t shirt to get rid of this question which were inevitably followed by a list of goodness of breastfeeding. I was a sad and guilty new mom strangling my kid to force feed my boob.
But after being judged quite a good amount i can safely say, a mother is not what she feeds; she is much more and bigger than that. So if you are at my place, please remember that and stop feeling bad.
Working mom or not: Show me one ‘non – working’ mother. taking care of a child is a job in itself! even if you have help. But sometimes you will be judged if you have decided to rejoin you office early or decided to resign you work and play hide and seek with your bub all day! Because some will say that you are supposed to be at home and take care of your child and others have speech ready about you being modern day career driven woman!
Kindly remember you are allowed and capable of loving your job and your child sufficiently and simultaneously.
to have superstitions (or the lack of it) : You might believe in tying a black thread to your babe’s feet to keep him safe or do not believe in ‘Najar lag jaega’ at all! These are the principles you are brought up with and like all others things, you want to pass your believes and faiths to your offspring.
But believe me you will be judged whether you want to keep your child bare of all the kala dhaga or cover him with it. your friends, spouse, in laws, even the distant cousin of your loud neighbor have a say in it.
The first reaction i got from a dear (?) friend of mine after seeing the first picture of my boy was why there’s no kala tika on his fore head! hello Grandpa!
To your way of upbringing: It includes from your choice of cloths you put on him to the food he eats, apparently everything you do with all good intention in your heart are under the strict scrutiny. You are supposed to be answerable to why do you spend so much buying the little cute cloths you enjoy so much or why do you put diaper on him instead of clothes!
Well, everyone have a say about everything under the sun including color of poop your newborn have. Sort out the aspects you don’t want to compromise and be a little flexible about the others. This resolves the problem sometimes.
Saying out loud your feelings : Everyone asked me how do I feel being a new mom. back that day I was recovering from my major surgery, even rolling back to other side ached. No I was not feeling well; but I was supposed to be top of the world and feeling blessed.
I had experienced a fair share of baby blue or postpartum depression and yes, it is something real. Many of us might have already felt but very few have really talked or reached out for help.
We are not suppose to say that it’s been hard and God forbid you say that you miss your old life! We should not admit that we had once hidden in the bathroom and cried not being able to calm the kid.
I’d say voice your feeling, who knows the mom at the opposite might actually admit hers as well after a long time!
Well, being a mother is new and it takes your every bit to embrace it. Judgement sure doesn’t help it. Please feel free to take the advice you find useful and be peacefully ignorant of the others.
Being a perfect mother for others is impossible. But whatever decision you might take, I’m sure you are going to be the perfect mom to your kid and that’s what matters after all.
I think that’s all for today. What are those you faced when you had your sweet pea? Let me know.
Until then, B’bye!